1) Are you really ready for 111 questions?

-Dear sweet Jesus, what have I done?

2) Was your last real relationship a mistake?

-I'll say. I hate it when the get-away driver bails out... or gets shot.

4) Who did you last say "I love you" to?

-Did we skip #3?

5) Do you regret it?

-Why would I regret skipping a number?

6) Have you ever been depressed?

-Like you wouldn't believe.

8) Are you a boy or girl?

-Neither. I'm a man. The iron-man.  And you skipped #7.

9) What is your relationship status?


10) How do you want to die?

-In an amazing blaze of glory. That, or, as a no-name sailor on some god-forsaken ship fighting a damn-near pointless war.

11) What did you last eat?

-Foot-long, chicken-bacon, on wheat, with pepper-jack cheese, lettuce, pickles, black olives, jalapaneos, and ranch dressing.

12) Played any sports?

-Does "P.T." count? 

13) Do you bite your nails ?

-Only when I'm distracted by my thoughts... which is all-the-freakin'-time.

14) When was your last physical fight?

-Boot camp. Don't remember it that well. Chief hit my head pretty hard.

15) Do you have an attitude?

-Yes, I do. Everyday. The Navy way.

16) Do you like someone?

-That information is Classified.

17) What is your real name?

-I confess. It's Walter.

19) Are you gonna get high later ?

-I'm high right now. Vicodin is a wonderful thing.

20) Do you hate anyone at the moment?

-Billions of some ones.

21) Do you miss someone?

-I am Pepper. No one is that important to me.

22) Twirl or cut your spaghetti?

-Don't eat it. Has the same texture as worms. Freaks me out.

23) Do you tan a lot?


24) Have any pets?

-I don't know. Does Johnson count?

25) How exactly are you feeling?

-"Load the guns. Join the Navy." Fuck my life.

26) Ever eaten food in a car while someone or yourself is driving?

-Um... duh?

27) Ever made out in the bathroom?

-Of course not. I do have a sense of decency.

28) Would you take any of your exes back?

-My God. Fuck these questions.

29) Are you scared of spiders?

-Like you wouldn't believe.

30) Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?

-Been there. Done that.

31) Do you regret anything from your past?

-Nothing. Except that one thing.

32) What are your plans for this weekend?


33) Do you want to have kids?

-Not right this second. 

34) Did you ever kiss someone whose name starts with an M?


35) Do you type fast?

-Only when I don't care about making typos.

36) Do you have piercings? How many?

-None. My body is a temple.

37) Want any more?

-See above.

38) Can you spell well?

-Dog, on.

39) Do you miss anyone from your past?

-I am Pepper. My past is none of your concern.

40) What are you craving right now?


41) Ever been to a bonfire party ?

-AH-hahahahahahahahahaha. No.

43) Have you ever been on a horse?

-Yeah. I are farm kid. Her name was Rusty.

44) Kissed someone in a pick up truck?

-I wish.

45) Have you ever broken someone's heart?

-Am I a mindreader? How the fuck do I know?

46) Have you ever been cheated on?


47)Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?


49) Would you live with someone without marrying them?

-Navy. Barracks (shitty barracks). More than one person to a room. Kinda not an option.

50) What should you be doing ?

-Hell, I don't fucking know. 

51) What's irritating you right now?

-My jaw. Feels better though. If having stitches in your mouth is considered better than a bone splinter digging its way out.

52) Have you ever liked someone so much that it hurts?

-Not someone. The Navy. It hurts so good.

53) Does somebody love you?

-Once again, not a mindreader.

54) What is your favorite color ?

-NAVY blue.

55) Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?

-Haven't we all?

57) Do you have trust issues?

-Like no one else.

59) Have you ever shaved in the kitchen sink?


60) Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

-Parent. Singular. 

62) Do you believe your most recent ex thinks about you?

-Who doesn't think about me?

63) Who was the last person you cried in front of?

-I had my tear ducts surgically removed.

64) Do you give out second chances too easily?

-I don't give 'em out, period.

65) Is it easier to forgive or forget?


66) Is this year the best year of your life?

-No. It's the worst year of my life so far.

67) What was your child hood nickname?

-I am Pepper. I did not have a childhood.

68) Have you ever walked outside completely naked?


70) Do you believe everything happens for a reason?

-If I didn't then joining the military was a really dumb move.

71) What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night ?

-Swept the deck.

73) What is bothering you?

-The world. Things would run so much smoother if everything was under my personal control.

74) Have you ever been out of state?

-Which one?

75) Do you play the Wii?

-No. Worst. Console. EVER.

76) Are you listening to music right now?

-Yes. 99 red-balloons to be exact. "This is what we've waited for. This is it, boys. This is war!"

77) Do you like Chinese food?


78) Do you know your fathers b- day?

-Do I give a fuck?

79) Are you afraid of the dark?

-No. I welcome it. Much easier to sleep in the dark.

80) Is cheating ever okay?


81) Are you mean?

-Not to everyone. Just you.

82) Can you keep white shoes clean?

-If I choose to wash them.

83) Have you noticed this survey stopped getting personal?

-Never so thankful in my whole goddamn life.

84) Do you believe in true love?

-Only on Thursdays.

85) Are you proud of the person you've become?

-Not yet. I'm sure others are. I won't be satisfied until I become the ultimate killing machine I know I'm capable of.

88) Do you like the outside?

-Outside of what?

89) Are you currently bored?

-Like no other.

90) Do you wanna get married?

-I thought we were moving away from personal shit.

91) Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?

-No, it's insulting. I have all my vaccinations, thank you.

92) Are you hungry?

-No, but I thirst... for the blood of my enemies.

93) Have you ever made out for more than a half hour straight?

-Sweet Jesus, do these questions have any substance?

94) What makes you happy?

-Talk about being careful what you wish for...

95) Would you change your name?

-In a heart beat.

96) Ever been to Alaska?


98) Do you watch the news?

-FOXNEWS bitch.

99) What' s your zodiac sign?

-Leo. Coincidence?

100) Do you like Subway?

-Like I have a choice.

101) Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?

-Ooooh my God, who wrote this survey?

102) Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

-I have friends?

103) Do you talk like your friends?

-No. They all have funny accents. Goddamn diversity. 

105) Have you ever seen someone you knew & purposely avoided them?

-Story of my life.

106) Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self?

-My complete self might scare you.

107) Who is the last guy you talked to?

-Chief Williams. Ass-hole.

108) Does it matter if your boyfriend/girlfriend smokes?

-I can put up with a lot. But not that.

111)Who's the last person you had a deep conversation with?

-Jesus, you skipped three fucking questions. Um, I don't have "deep" conversations with anyone but my most trusted confidents. And, I don't really trust anyone but the voices in my head. They would never betray me.

© 2009 by SGT Pepper

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