1) Are you really ready for 111 questions?

-Dear sweet Jesus, what have I done?



2) Was your last real relationship a mistake?

-I'll say. I hate it when the get-away driver bails out... or gets shot.



4) Who did you last say "I love you" to?

-Did we skip #3?



5) Do you regret it?

-Why would I regret skipping a number?



6) Have you ever been depressed?

-Like you wouldn't believe.



8) Are you a boy or girl?

-Neither. I'm a man. The iron-man.  And you skipped #7.


9) What is your relationship status?

-Unreachable.


10) How do you want to die?

-In an amazing blaze of glory. That, or, as a no-name sailor on some god-forsaken ship fighting a damn-near pointless war.


11) What did you last eat?

-Foot-long, chicken-bacon, on wheat, with pepper-jack cheese, lettuce, pickles, black olives, jalapaneos, and ranch dressing.


12) Played any sports?

-Does "P.T." count? 


13) Do you bite your nails ?

-Only when I'm distracted by my thoughts... which is all-the-freakin'-time.


14) When was your last physical fight?

-Boot camp. Don't remember it that well. Chief hit my head pretty hard.


15) Do you have an attitude?

-Yes, I do. Everyday. The Navy way.


16) Do you like someone?

-That information is Classified.


17) What is your real name?

-I confess. It's Walter.


19) Are you gonna get high later ?

-I'm high right now. Vicodin is a wonderful thing.


20) Do you hate anyone at the moment?

-Billions of some ones.


21) Do you miss someone?

-I am Pepper. No one is that important to me.


22) Twirl or cut your spaghetti?

-Don't eat it. Has the same texture as worms. Freaks me out.


23) Do you tan a lot?

-Never.


24) Have any pets?

-I don't know. Does Johnson count?


25) How exactly are you feeling?

-"Load the guns. Join the Navy." Fuck my life.


26) Ever eaten food in a car while someone or yourself is driving?

-Um... duh?


27) Ever made out in the bathroom?

-Of course not. I do have a sense of decency.


28) Would you take any of your exes back?

-My God. Fuck these questions.


29) Are you scared of spiders?

-Like you wouldn't believe.


30) Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?

-Been there. Done that.


31) Do you regret anything from your past?

-Nothing. Except that one thing.


32) What are your plans for this weekend?

-Sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.


33) Do you want to have kids?

-Not right this second. 


34) Did you ever kiss someone whose name starts with an M?

-No...



35) Do you type fast?

-Only when I don't care about making typos.


36) Do you have piercings? How many?

-None. My body is a temple.


37) Want any more?

-See above.


38) Can you spell well?

-Dog, on.


39) Do you miss anyone from your past?

-I am Pepper. My past is none of your concern.


40) What are you craving right now?

-Apocalypse.


41) Ever been to a bonfire party ?

-AH-hahahahahahahahahaha. No.


43) Have you ever been on a horse?

-Yeah. I are farm kid. Her name was Rusty.


44) Kissed someone in a pick up truck?

-I wish.


45) Have you ever broken someone's heart?

-Am I a mindreader? How the fuck do I know?


46) Have you ever been cheated on?

-Next.


47)Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?

-WHAT IS WITH THE TOUCHY-FEELY QUESTIONS?


49) Would you live with someone without marrying them?

-Navy. Barracks (shitty barracks). More than one person to a room. Kinda not an option.


50) What should you be doing ?

-Hell, I don't fucking know. 


51) What's irritating you right now?

-My jaw. Feels better though. If having stitches in your mouth is considered better than a bone splinter digging its way out.


52) Have you ever liked someone so much that it hurts?

-Not someone. The Navy. It hurts so good.


53) Does somebody love you?

-Once again, not a mindreader.


54) What is your favorite color ?

-NAVY blue.


55) Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?

-Haven't we all?


57) Do you have trust issues?

-Like no one else.


59) Have you ever shaved in the kitchen sink?

-No.


60) Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

-Parent. Singular. 


62) Do you believe your most recent ex thinks about you?

-Who doesn't think about me?


63) Who was the last person you cried in front of?

-I had my tear ducts surgically removed.


64) Do you give out second chances too easily?

-I don't give 'em out, period.


65) Is it easier to forgive or forget?

-Neither.


66) Is this year the best year of your life?

-No. It's the worst year of my life so far.


67) What was your child hood nickname?

-I am Pepper. I did not have a childhood.




68) Have you ever walked outside completely naked?

-Never.


70) Do you believe everything happens for a reason?

-If I didn't then joining the military was a really dumb move.


71) What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night ?

-Swept the deck.


73) What is bothering you?

-The world. Things would run so much smoother if everything was under my personal control.




74) Have you ever been out of state?

-Which one?


75) Do you play the Wii?

-No. Worst. Console. EVER.


76) Are you listening to music right now?

-Yes. 99 red-balloons to be exact. "This is what we've waited for. This is it, boys. This is war!"




77) Do you like Chinese food?

-No. 


78) Do you know your fathers b- day?

-Do I give a fuck?


79) Are you afraid of the dark?

-No. I welcome it. Much easier to sleep in the dark.


80) Is cheating ever okay?

-No


81) Are you mean?

-Not to everyone. Just you.


82) Can you keep white shoes clean?

-If I choose to wash them.


83) Have you noticed this survey stopped getting personal?

-Never so thankful in my whole goddamn life.


84) Do you believe in true love?

-Only on Thursdays.


85) Are you proud of the person you've become?

-Not yet. I'm sure others are. I won't be satisfied until I become the ultimate killing machine I know I'm capable of.




88) Do you like the outside?

-Outside of what?


89) Are you currently bored?

-Like no other.


90) Do you wanna get married?

-I thought we were moving away from personal shit.


91) Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?

-No, it's insulting. I have all my vaccinations, thank you.


92) Are you hungry?

-No, but I thirst... for the blood of my enemies.




93) Have you ever made out for more than a half hour straight?

-Sweet Jesus, do these questions have any substance?


94) What makes you happy?

-Talk about being careful what you wish for...


95) Would you change your name?

-In a heart beat.


96) Ever been to Alaska?

-TOP SECRET//EYES ONLY


98) Do you watch the news?

-FOXNEWS bitch.


99) What' s your zodiac sign?

-Leo. Coincidence?


100) Do you like Subway?

-Like I have a choice.


101) Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?

-Ooooh my God, who wrote this survey?


102) Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

-I have friends?


103) Do you talk like your friends?

-No. They all have funny accents. Goddamn diversity. 


105) Have you ever seen someone you knew & purposely avoided them?

-Story of my life.


106) Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self?

-My complete self might scare you.


107) Who is the last guy you talked to?

-Chief Williams. Ass-hole.


108) Does it matter if your boyfriend/girlfriend smokes?

-I can put up with a lot. But not that.


111)Who's the last person you had a deep conversation with?

-Jesus, you skipped three fucking questions. Um, I don't have "deep" conversations with anyone but my most trusted confidents. And, I don't really trust anyone but the voices in my head. They would never betray me.


© 2009 by SGT Pepper

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