1) Are you really ready for 111 questions?
-Dear sweet Jesus, what have I done?
2) Was your last real relationship a mistake?
-I'll say. I hate it when the get-away driver bails out... or gets shot.
4) Who did you last say "I love you" to?
-Did we skip #3?
5) Do you regret it?
-Why would I regret skipping a number?
6) Have you ever been depressed?
-Like you wouldn't believe.
8) Are you a boy or girl?
-Neither. I'm a man. The iron-man. And you skipped #7.
9) What is your relationship status?
-Unreachable.
10) How do you want to die?
-In an amazing blaze of glory. That, or, as a no-name sailor on some god-forsaken ship fighting a damn-near pointless war.
11) What did you last eat?
-Foot-long, chicken-bacon, on wheat, with pepper-jack cheese, lettuce, pickles, black olives, jalapaneos, and ranch dressing.
12) Played any sports?
-Does "P.T." count?
13) Do you bite your nails ?
-Only when I'm distracted by my thoughts... which is all-the-freakin'-time.
14) When was your last physical fight?
-Boot camp. Don't remember it that well. Chief hit my head pretty hard.
15) Do you have an attitude?
-Yes, I do. Everyday. The Navy way.
16) Do you like someone?
-That information is Classified.
17) What is your real name?
-I confess. It's Walter.
19) Are you gonna get high later ?
-I'm high right now. Vicodin is a wonderful thing.
20) Do you hate anyone at the moment?
-Billions of some ones.
21) Do you miss someone?
-I am Pepper. No one is that important to me.
22) Twirl or cut your spaghetti?
-Don't eat it. Has the same texture as worms. Freaks me out.
23) Do you tan a lot?
-Never.
24) Have any pets?
-I don't know. Does Johnson count?
25) How exactly are you feeling?
-"Load the guns. Join the Navy." Fuck my life.
26) Ever eaten food in a car while someone or yourself is driving?
-Um... duh?
27) Ever made out in the bathroom?
-Of course not. I do have a sense of decency.
28) Would you take any of your exes back?
-My God. Fuck these questions.
29) Are you scared of spiders?
-Like you wouldn't believe.
30) Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?
-Been there. Done that.
31) Do you regret anything from your past?
-Nothing. Except that one thing.
32) What are your plans for this weekend?
-Sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.
33) Do you want to have kids?
-Not right this second.
34) Did you ever kiss someone whose name starts with an M?
-No...
35) Do you type fast?
-Only when I don't care about making typos.
36) Do you have piercings? How many?
-None. My body is a temple.
37) Want any more?
-See above.
38) Can you spell well?
-Dog, on.
39) Do you miss anyone from your past?
-I am Pepper. My past is none of your concern.
40) What are you craving right now?
-Apocalypse.
41) Ever been to a bonfire party ?
-AH-hahahahahahahahahaha. No.
43) Have you ever been on a horse?
-Yeah. I are farm kid. Her name was Rusty.
44) Kissed someone in a pick up truck?
-I wish.
45) Have you ever broken someone's heart?
-Am I a mindreader? How the fuck do I know?
46) Have you ever been cheated on?
-Next.
47)Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?
-WHAT IS WITH THE TOUCHY-FEELY QUESTIONS?
49) Would you live with someone without marrying them?
-Navy. Barracks (shitty barracks). More than one person to a room. Kinda not an option.
50) What should you be doing ?
-Hell, I don't fucking know.
51) What's irritating you right now?
-My jaw. Feels better though. If having stitches in your mouth is considered better than a bone splinter digging its way out.
52) Have you ever liked someone so much that it hurts?
-Not someone. The Navy. It hurts so good.
53) Does somebody love you?
-Once again, not a mindreader.
54) What is your favorite color ?
-NAVY blue.
55) Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?
-Haven't we all?
57) Do you have trust issues?
-Like no one else.
59) Have you ever shaved in the kitchen sink?
-No.
60) Do you have a good relationship with your parents?
-Parent. Singular.
62) Do you believe your most recent ex thinks about you?
-Who doesn't think about me?
63) Who was the last person you cried in front of?
-I had my tear ducts surgically removed.
64) Do you give out second chances too easily?
-I don't give 'em out, period.
65) Is it easier to forgive or forget?
-Neither.
66) Is this year the best year of your life?
-No. It's the worst year of my life so far.
67) What was your child hood nickname?
-I am Pepper. I did not have a childhood.
68) Have you ever walked outside completely naked?
-Never.
70) Do you believe everything happens for a reason?
-If I didn't then joining the military was a really dumb move.
71) What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night ?
-Swept the deck.
73) What is bothering you?
-The world. Things would run so much smoother if everything was under my personal control.
74) Have you ever been out of state?
-Which one?
75) Do you play the Wii?
-No. Worst. Console. EVER.
76) Are you listening to music right now?
-Yes. 99 red-balloons to be exact. "This is what we've waited for. This is it, boys. This is war!"
77) Do you like Chinese food?
-No.
78) Do you know your fathers b- day?
-Do I give a fuck?
79) Are you afraid of the dark?
-No. I welcome it. Much easier to sleep in the dark.
80) Is cheating ever okay?
-No
81) Are you mean?
-Not to everyone. Just you.
82) Can you keep white shoes clean?
-If I choose to wash them.
83) Have you noticed this survey stopped getting personal?
-Never so thankful in my whole goddamn life.
84) Do you believe in true love?
-Only on Thursdays.
85) Are you proud of the person you've become?
-Not yet. I'm sure others are. I won't be satisfied until I become the ultimate killing machine I know I'm capable of.
88) Do you like the outside?
-Outside of what?
89) Are you currently bored?
-Like no other.
90) Do you wanna get married?
-I thought we were moving away from personal shit.
91) Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?
-No, it's insulting. I have all my vaccinations, thank you.
92) Are you hungry?
-No, but I thirst... for the blood of my enemies.
93) Have you ever made out for more than a half hour straight?
-Sweet Jesus, do these questions have any substance?
94) What makes you happy?
-Talk about being careful what you wish for...
95) Would you change your name?
-In a heart beat.
96) Ever been to Alaska?
-TOP SECRET//EYES ONLY
98) Do you watch the news?
-FOXNEWS bitch.
99) What' s your zodiac sign?
-Leo. Coincidence?
100) Do you like Subway?
-Like I have a choice.
101) Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?
-Ooooh my God, who wrote this survey?
102) Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?
-I have friends?
103) Do you talk like your friends?
-No. They all have funny accents. Goddamn diversity.
105) Have you ever seen someone you knew & purposely avoided them?
-Story of my life.
106) Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self?
-My complete self might scare you.
107) Who is the last guy you talked to?
-Chief Williams. Ass-hole.
108) Does it matter if your boyfriend/girlfriend smokes?
-I can put up with a lot. But not that.
111)Who's the last person you had a deep conversation with?
-Jesus, you skipped three fucking questions. Um, I don't have "deep" conversations with anyone but my most trusted confidents. And, I don't really trust anyone but the voices in my head. They would never betray me.
© 2009 by SGT Pepper